As of tomorrow I have one week. Seven days until I get on a plane and fly 4,000 miles away to a country that doesn’t speak my native language. I will not be able to text and the time difference will be six hours. I plan on staying away for ninety days. Although I am excited, I am also sad and scared.
Excited: Europe has always been a dream for me – one that I didn’t think would ever become a reality. God taught me a lot this semester about the limitations of my mind. I thought I should be a doctor, I thought I was too poor to travel, and I think I’m not good enough for His love. Just because I think things about myself doesn’t mean I am required to believe them. He has opened up many doors in order for me to go this semester and I am grateful for that. Spain has a special place in my heart because of the many years I studied the language. I know that this is His plan for me and He has worked out all the details perfectly. I decided about halfway through last semester that I needed to take a break from the insanity I was putting myself through. I promised myself at the time, “Next semester will be different”. I had no idea how different it was going to be.
Sad: There is so much I’m going to miss this semester. The Civil Wars concert I bought tickets for, helping plan my dear roommate’s wedding, finding a new church in Orlando, visiting my best friend at Flagler, serving as an officer for Honors Congress, celebrating my brother’s birthday, going to the beach as soon as it gets warm in early April, and spending time with so many people who are important to me. Yes, I have Skype, Facebook and even free international calling but quality time is my primary love language. I am reminding myself though, when I reflect back on this semester, I am sure I will have a new list of things I would have missed if I hadn’t gone.
Scared: It is a part of my nature that I have to resist. I am a worrier. Always have been. Money, school, people’s impressions of me, health, God’s judgment, safety, my own satisfaction. It doesn’t matter what my situation is, I find ways to worry about it. The fact is: God is in control, but I am scared of uprooting myself to another country (and it snows there!) for three months.
So I am finally beginning my countdown. I am almost ready to go stuff wise, now I just have to prepare my heart and my mind. I want know that this will be an enriching experience.